Dying to be loved
by reenee
Summary: I picked briget jones because its sort of a more younger, more tragic version of it. enjoy


Shayla had so many dreams, so many things that she longed to do, she saw them all in her head, all of them, all different and excellent in their own special ways. Most of her dreams or fantasies involved dancing, you see she absolutely loved to dance, her favourite was street dance, because you got to move your hips so much, but anyway. They were all in her head, and she did her best to make them come out and show in her performances, but she could never get it just right, and this frustrated her a lot.

Shayla also things like P.E, because she was very athletic, so she would always see a certain boy called Seth Kylie. He did GCSE P.E as well. He knew that she fancied him, maybe even loved him, and she had talked to him a number of times to let him know, but he hadn't ever really given that much feed back, she had asked him out, but he didn't think it was such a good idea, so they left it as being just good friends, and they were.

But Shayla still felt for him very much, and she knew that Seth felt something, he always since they met. This caused Shayla to have sleepless nights on often occasions, thinking, wondering, hoping that one day he would make a move, and she would wait for him, always. Even though on occasions she would run into a guy who thought was better, or more handsome than Seth, and started to feel something for them, it was never enough than what she felt for Seth. Even when she thought she was over him, she would always be led back to think about him, whenever she sat next to him in class, whenever he spoke to her, she always felt for him.

June 12th 2005

"Shayla, how is your and Seth's relationship? Are you going out with him yet?" asked Luke during ICT, one of Seth's best mates.

"No, were aren't going out, there is no relationship." Shayla mumbled looking at her hands a picked at a mark on the computer keyboard.

"Why not? He told me he fancies you, you know, he told me" he was cut off by Shayla raising her voice. "Look, I know all this, you've told me it before, it's up to him to make the next move, and he should no it."

"Ok, ok, didn't mean to go on.

At break Shayla went to the normal place to eat and drink, a place where she could be alone with her friends. She was the first one there at the table; she put down her bags, and waited for her friends. There, again, she fell deep into thought about Seth. She couldn't help it, she felt like she didn't want it in her head anymore, the suspense of waiting for him to make the next move was killing her, it hurt in her stomach, her chest, and her head, she couldn't take much more of it. "Shayla?" asked a far away voice.

Shayla broke out of her thoughts and looked up to see one of her best friends Amy. She realised that she had tears streaming down her face. She wiped her dark blue eyes and brushed back a piece of her long blonde hair. " Yeah, what's up Amy?" and breathed in a shuddering breathe and sat up a bit.

"Are you ok? Why were you crying?" Amy asked very concerned, laid a hand on Shayla's shoulder and sat down next to her.

"Nothing, nothing I'm fine," she told Amy. She knew she didn't sound at all convincing.

"Shayla, I just saw you, you were crying, people don't cry for no reason, tell me what your upset about" Amy pushed.

"Nothing ok!" Shayla yelled in Amy's face and grabbed her bags and walked off. Shayla knew that Amy was only trying to help, but even though most of her year knew that she wanted to be with Seth, she didn't want people, least of all her friends thinking that she was distraught about it.

As she walked around the playground, she heard her name being called; she turned to see Lauren and Gizela run up to her.

"Why are you alone out here? Have you seen Amy?" Lauren asked. Shayla didn't even want to open her mouth right now; she turned her back on them, and walked away. She heard Gizela say as she walked away, "What the hell is wrong with her? Fine she can be that way, cow…."

This didn't improve Shayla's mood. She had just hurt all of her best friends feelings, and none of them deserved it, she had been a total bitch to them. They were most definitely know longer her friends, and what was more she had more time o think. Shayla wanted his out of her head; she hadn't meant to be so horrible to her friends, especially Amy, she just couldn't bear them knowing what she was going through over Seth. Surely he was being stupid, but if it hurt this much surely it was more than a stupid crush, it was love. Real love that you couldn't get over unless you knew for definite you had know chance with the person.

Shayla wondered passed the canteen, and looked I the window. She knew it; Seth was there with all of his mates surrounding him, including Luke who had annoyed her earlier that day. He was laughing with his mates and flirting with the girls, as usual. It was weird, but Shayla usually didn't mind this. She knew that that was the kind of person Seth was, no changing it, even if she got a bit jealous, it wouldn't change her feelings fir him, never. All of Seth mates knew about the whole sitch with the both of them, that's why they often asked Shayla questions, and told Shayla about what Seth had been saying, e.g. last week also in ICT, Luke was sitting next to her, and told her that Seth really liked her, and was always talking about her. Of course Shayla believed this, because she knew it was true, all of it was.

Chris, one of Seth's friends looked around from the table and saw Shayla there, staring at everyone, mostly Seth. Then Shayla looked at Chris, she knew what his reaction would be. Automatically, he swung around, and whispered something into Seth ear, she just stood there and watched, she wasn't afraid, not anymore, if she had to go through this amount of pain, she didn't care, she just wouldn't run from anything anymore.

Seth jumped after hearing whatever Chris had whispered to him and stood up and looked around at Shayla, she just stared right back. Seth nodded and smiled at her genuinely, and sat back down, but this time not talking to anyone much. This was what she was talking about Shayla thought, he always…FLASH! A blinding light flashed in front of her eyes, she screamed and stumbled backwards. Her back fell against the wall and she gripped the bricks, what the hell was going on? What was this? And then silence. Not a single sound.

Then she saw something in her head, blue sky, so blue and clear and bright, it was beautiful. And rushing of wind through her hair, but the sound was deafening, but she didn't care, this was the most relaxed she'd felt in ages, it was nearly…. heaven. Then a loud sucking sound brought her back to the playground outside the school canteen.

She looked around, there was know more bright light, where had it come from? Everyone else seemed fine, had she been the only one who had seen it?

A vision she thought. Wow, she'd never had a vision before, but it was kind of scary. But it was so weird, blue sky, rushing of wing, really loud… Her head was pounding. She couldn't think about any of this right now, it was boiling hot and it had been and long day anyway.

"I think I'll take a lunch leave and go home" she said to herself, and walked towards the school gates. On he way home she felt a strange sensation of peace, like all of her problems had disappeared, even though she knew they hadn't. They were still there; she just didn't have to deal with then right now, thank god.

She ignored her mum when she got in the door, with her usual "Did you have a good day?" Shayla had just put on a fake smile, if her mum saw her down, she wouldn't give up until she told her, and that's the last thing she wanted to do right now. Shayla prayed to god that night, she didn't usually, but felt as if she had to, to get her through the next day without falling to pieces. Shayla fell asleep almost straight away as well, perhaps god had striped her of her thoughts that night, to give her some peace. And she slept as soundly as a baby.

The next morning, the facts of the day before flooded back to her, but Shayla tried to block them out the best she could. As Shayla ate her breakfast, (waffles with honey, yummy, her favourite) she thought about what lessons she had today; first period, Science, at least she wasn't expected to do much in it. Second period, P.E. OH MY GOD! She thought, she remembered what her teacher had told her class on Monday, they were doing the running track with the boys! That meant running in front of Set and his mates! Shayla abandoned her waffles; there was no way she could eat anymore with that thought in her head. She felt like being sick. She put a hand to her mouth, for a couple minutes, and put the other hand on the table to steady her but she wasn't sick, thank god.

Shayla looked at the clock and realised was supposed to meet her other mate at the clock tower 5 minutes ago. "SHIT!" she swore at herself and ran into the hall to get her bag. She kissed her mum goodbye quickly and ran out the door, she couldn't bear loosing another friend right now, not after yesterday. It took her about two and a half minutes to get to the clock tower running. But knew Sarah wouldn't be there, she would never wait if you were late to meeting her, she would just get really pissed off with you. So Shayla walked to school by herself, alone, again. Then she realised, if she didn't change something about what she was doing wrong soon, it would be like this for the rest of her life.

Shayla finally got to school after some walking very slow, deep in thought all the time. She really wasn't in the mood for any action today. She walked into form, with the glummest look on her face. Lauren looked at her then looked away again remembering what had happened yesterday. Shayla saw this out of the corner of her eye, and felt worse than ever. She sat next to Kerry, who she wasn't the closest of friends with, but was the only person in the world tat she really trusted funnily enough.


End file.
